Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
