Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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