Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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