At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
