community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
