It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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