I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
