I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
