my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
