Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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