I just made out with a guy for $7.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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