Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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