She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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