Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
