I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
