you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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