Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
