worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize