I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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