grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize