Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(931): View more from Tennessee

and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.

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(915): View more from Texas

Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck

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(607): View more from New York

you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship

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(618): View more from Illinois

An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?

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(817): View more from Texas

Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.

(682): View more from Texas

Oh yum

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(469): View more from Texas

The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.

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(407): View more from Florida

Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work

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