my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
