remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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