so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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