is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
