I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
