we're chasing vodka with high fives
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
