Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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