lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
