Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize