Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
