did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
