i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
