did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
