Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
