On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Never joke about your clitoris.
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