none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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