Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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