No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
