im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
