yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
