I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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