If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
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