I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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