her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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