I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
