I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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