hotel room ftw
This girl is more easily done than said...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
