Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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