my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
