i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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