i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
