Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
