Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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