So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
