i think i have two assholes
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
