I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
