I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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