I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
