We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
