All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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