just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
