It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
