This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
