the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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