I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
